Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Coping in a Hostile Environment

“Do unto others what you want them to do to you”…this is the golden rule.

In life we must learn the art of relating with people in order to be truly successful yet if you have been around for a while you will agree that this is easier said than done simply because of our diversity.

Look again around your environment and you will find that this diversity can be likened to the kind you find in an animal kingdom but somehow the animals find a way to cope with each other and so we must learn to cope with each other as well and succeed against all odds.

The “Insect” People

These people are subtly irritating and get on your nerves though usually appearing innocent and harmless to observers. They offend you in a way that is constant and usually below the radar. Their stinging words buzz in your ears like the annoying buzzing of a male mosquito; not stinging or biting just buzzing endlessly! Sometimes with them your crime is just being alive or successful at the things you do.

They can even seek you out just to tell you their opinion of you or your success and their opinion usually stings so deep it breaks your heart. To an observer who is not paying close attention or walking in your shoes, the actions of the “insect” might go unnoticed but your own reactions will continually be glaring as you wave frantically and complain of the unwelcome attention of the “insect”. When you eventually explode from pent up frustration, it always seems out of proportion to the current offense and observers always wonder what is wrong with you and never the “insect person”

How to Deal with them.

The only language insects understand is BARRIERS! Such as nets, clothing etc And since we are actually talking human “insects” here, my advice is not to necessarily blow up the bridge that connects you to them but just make sure you mount enough sentries on the bridge.

Don’t build walls and hide simply to avoid them else you’ll just keep hiding forever and they will relentlessly make it their mission to seek you out but just put up a gate and make sure they state their mission before they get past the security guard.

Forgive them when they offend you but understand that they are what they are- insects! That is the best way they know to be and they may not be hurting you on purpose so reduce the emotional stress on yourself by just placing necessary boundaries.

The “Crab” People

I once heard that a sure way of making a captured crab stay in the basket is to fill that basket with other crabs and that way they will prevent each other from escaping. Simply put, crabs pull others down. They back stab, spread rumors and do all in their power to keep you down. You don’t readily detect them at first because on the outside they look like you, sound like you and seem genuinely interested in your progress until you start talking about getting out of the basket and worse still, before them.

How to Deal with them.

It takes a crab to pull a crab down, so don’t be another crab. Your statement should be no defense, no attack just stay focused on getting out of the basket. As you stay focused you start changing and he/she sees that you are no longer the same crab they used to know. They lose interest and let you go while they go find another crab to keep down. So stay focused!

The “Bat” People

They love and choose to perpetually stay in the dark! These people are negative and pessimistic; they boastfully tell you- It cannot be done! They don’t necessarily work to actively pull you down like the crabs but just keep telling you- it can’t be done! It’s not your type! It’s not for you! You can’t make it! Etc. Sometimes they genuinely mean well but you notice the more you hang around them the dimmer your light of hope becomes. Staying around them too long may even quench all your light of hope and make you abandon your dreams because you start thinking they are correct and your dreams are too good for little you.

How to Deal with them.

Bats shy away from light, at least so I gather from adventure-packed movies. So don’t let them overwhelm you with their pessimism, let your light (faith and positive attitude) so shine brightly that it dispels their darkness. If your fire is going out, you may need help from someone else who is also carrying a lamp (another positive person) so sometimes to get free from the bat, you may even need to change the environment completely. So don’t let that dream die, keep the fire burning!

The “Porcupine” People

I’m hoping you already know them; these people are already upset with life generally (due to no fault of yours) they may look perfect on the outside, but have so much hurt sticking out of them like the needle spikes of a porcupine – the spikes grow from inside to outside. So whether they reach out to you in a hug or you reach out to them with a hug, YOU will always get hurt and painfully so as they transfer their personal daily pains to you.

The porcupine was built to coil up as a defense mechanism and hurting others is far more a defense mechanism than an attack strategy. That’s just the way they are - whether attacking or defending, they will still hurt you.

How to Deal with them.

Two things come to my mind…patience and space! A porcupine usually brings out it’s spike when it senses a threat whether real or apparent. Don’t build barriers just go along with them at their pace but keep your distance, walk by their side so they don’t hurt you. However, if you must walk very closely with them, then deal with them from a place of understanding; get a clothing line fashionably made out of steel. Protect yourself from head to foot and enjoy your lessons in needlework.

The Beast People (a.k.a Swine)

Arrogant and generally unpleasant to have around; they seem to be all the other animals rolled into one. They irritate, they are subtle, they tear you down, they play dirty, they are negative, and they hurt. Worst of all-they are intentional! Loving every moment of their rotten nature and the freedom they have to do their dirty stuff. Every new level of rottenness is a cheerful, happy and pleasant adventure to them. They get the idea to jump into a pool of mud and they just do it because they know they can and nobody will stop them. So they take a big jump into the mud and get your beautiful, precious outfit messed up in the process and guess what – They don’t care that your feelings were hurt. In fact most times they don’t even notice. They are just happy that they succeeded at discovering a new level of rotten mud to play in and they did it- dirt is their nature and they are happy to play dirty.

How to Deal with them.

One simple statement…don’t trust a swine! Hating him or her is a waste of time. Bring out your entire defense line. Be discrete around them, mount a battalion of sentries on the bridge, stay focused, keep hope alive, keep your distance, put on your armor in understanding and be very prayerful for them and yourself but I repeat, never ever trust them even in the most harmless looking situations not to mention precious things.

The plan is not for you to isolate yourself from people and start analyzing everyone in your life till you have a nervous breakdown. Rather the idea is to understand the different types of people around you and then know how best to get along with them.

Even the good book teaches that Jesus got along well with everybody but he treated all of them differently and showed them love against all odds. How did He do it? The answer is simple- He understood the human nature and dealt with them from a place of understanding.

I hope this article empowers you and helps you rise above whatever dilemma you might face in relating with someone in your today or in your future.

“Everything that Irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” – Carl Gustav Jung

13 comments:

  1. 人自幼就應該通過完美的教育,去建立一種好的習慣。.......................................................

    ReplyDelete
  2. 生命的意義,是在於活的充實;而不是在於活得長久。......................................................

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  3. 與朋友在一起,分擔的痛苦是減半的痛苦,分享的快樂是加倍的快樂。......................................................................

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  4. 心中醒,口中說,紙上作,不從身上習過,皆無用也。..................................................

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  5. 當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。............................................................

    ReplyDelete